That Sinking Feeling.

For some reason, we had decided to take the ferry back to the UK. Less driving, cabin, meal on board...a bit like a mini cruise? We were taking the van so that Anna, my wife, could buy a few things to bring back (in my mind I was thinking a jar of Marmite and a packet of bacon, how wrong I was). We were also dropping off 43 bottles of French wine to some friends who had recently moved back to the UK, and struggling to adjust to British prices. 

We found ourselves killing time in the very up market town of Marlborough (the ferry having dropped us off at 6.30am - we were awoken by three refrains of some soothing lute music piped over the tannoy). 

Anna had bought a furry coat from Noz, but the English climate didn't seem to agree with it and the thing had started moulting on her all black outfit. We tried to purchase a de-fluffer from Waitrose, but had to settle for a roll of sellotape, which we wrapped round our fingers then patted her down. 

After delivering the wine and having a guided tour around our friends new house we were looking forward to reconnecting with the English countryside around Compton Bassett (where they now live), we were really hoping to bump into Robbie Williams who has a large house there - but it didn't stop raining. 

Next port of call was my father's house, where we were basing ourselves, he lives near many shops. My father is in the process of downsizing (which he has been doing for several years), I had offered our van to transport some of his no longer required junk to the local dump. Anna was worried that this might impact on her schedule, only allowing three full days of shopping. And shop she did! TK Maxx, Home Sense, Dunelm, B&Q, Wickes - and that was just the first morning! In the afternoon Anna had arranged to meet our daughter and her boyfriend, “where” I hear you enquire? In the Atria shopping centre in Watford, the biggest shopping centre in Christendom. That evening I was already experiencing shopping fatigue and had to hit my dad's wine hard. 

In the latter part of the week we visited my son and his fiancee who live in Letchworth. This gave Anna a whole new selection of retail parks to visit: St.Albans, Hitchin, the Hatfield Galleria - on Friday she was planning a trip to Cambridge, but then a stroke of luck rocked up in the shape of Storm Eunice. Everyone on the TV was telling us not to go out, “Anna, we'll have to cancel Cambridge, it's not safe, we might get hit by a flying wheelie bin”. Anna:“We'll be okay, it's not that bad”. At that moment there was an almighty crash as my son's garden fence was blown into the side of the house. So we stayed in all day exchanging Christmas presents and playing Camel Up (a complicated board game based on Camel racing) ...and I watched Anna suffering withdrawal symptoms. 

When the storm abated it was back down the A1 to my dad's house for a family shindig. He's moving house in June, so this was billed as a farewell to the family home, although he announced he was planning another later in the year. He's a sentimental old fool my dad, any excuse to shed a few tears. He can well up at anything...usually his own jokes. He rarely reaches the punchline without his voice going quavery and the handkerchief coming out.

The following morning we packed the van with all the purchases, like a game of Tetris, every available inch of space was utilised.

We said our goodbyes and set off for Portsmouth. At about the same time storm Franklin was swinging into town. The further south we travelled the more the wind picked up. By the time we reached Portsmouth, we had to stagger at a 45 degree angle to McDonald's. While there we were informed, by email, the ferry would be going to Cherbourg and not Caen - I was worried it was sailing anywhere.

For several hours we waited in the port, before being ushered on board. Then straight to the bar, where we sank two of those little bottles of wine each...to help us sleep. SLEEP! It was akin to sleeping on the end of a see-saw. After five hours of staring at the cabin's ceiling, listening to the creaking of the boat's infrastructure and wondering if I had put my handbrake on...the lute music came over the tannoy.