'The DSM' Editorial - Issue 103 Pardon


Anna and I are at that age when things start failing us or dropping off. I am going deaf, according to Anna, who will only ever communicate with me from another room, if I am using a power tool or have an electric toothbrush in my mouth. The fact of the matter is that Anna mumbles and her Scottish accent doesn’t help. A lot of the time she talks to herself, so it is often hard to tell if she requires an answer.

Our eyesight is not what it used to be either. I have trouble focussing on things far away and close-up (hold something two feet from the end of my nose and I can see perfectly). Anna is long-sighted. I go to an opticians for my glasses, Anna goes to Poundland. We have a plethora of glasses dotted about the house, all very similar in style. A great chunk of my day is taken up locating the correct glasses I need for a specific job. I know if I have accidentally put on a pair of Anna’s glasses because everything is enormous, the lenses are covered in fingerprints and she has a very small head so they are very tight on my fat head.

I have never had a sense of smell, whereas she is like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I can drive past a field that has just been ‘muck-spreaded’ and not smell anything, Anna has to have a lie-down if she gets a whiff of paint.

One thing that has not diminished is our love of French food and wine, in fact quite the opposite and in recent months it has come to a head. To try and get a grip on things we decided to go ‘Sober for October’. As I write we have not had ‘a drink’ for six days. When our November issue comes out we will either be irritatingly pleased with ourselves and hitting the bottle to celebrate or drowning our sorrows in recognition of our own lack of willpower. 

However November finds you, we hope you enjoy our latest issue...if you can find the correct glasses.







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