Life In 79

Anna, my wife, had been sneezing for the last five hours; peppering the dashboard with mucus (we even had to make an unscheduled pit stop to buy a jumbo packet of tissues)... I was amazed that such a small head could contain so much moisture. Hay fever? An allergy? I don't know what it was, except very irritating. Every sneeze was accompanied by a shrill scream, which was not doing my tinnitus any favours and did not bode well for our summer holiday.   We had always found the notion of driving down to Spain very romantic, although with all the sneezing and moist tissues, the romance was limited. We were on our way to the Basque Country; San Sebastian. Five hours south, hit the Pyrenees, hang a right, cross the border, bingo!  When we arrived, I was all ready to plonk myself on the beautiful La Concha beach, drink copious amounts of sangria and stuff a variety of pintxos into me moosh. However, Anna informed me our hotel was a little bit out of town. Fifty minutes later, having...

Ulysses went on his Odyssey, Hannibal crossed the Alps, Bilbo Baggins journeyed through Middle Earth. Me? I have been slagging back and forth to Calais for the past ten years in a Dacia Sandero. Part of me looks forward to the journey; the excitement of what lies ahead, a frisson at the adventures waiting just over the horizon. But, when I hit the péage at Saumur, my heart sinks as the novelty wanes. Six hours, six long hours - Saumur, Le Mans, Rouen, Calais. I pride myself on an ability to do very repetitive, mundane jobs for a long time, but that journey pushes me to some very dark places...I-spy, Count the buzzards sitting along the side of the motorway, What number am I thinking of? Sangatte. We could've moved to Sangatte...I hear it's very pleasant this time of year, only ten minutes drive from the tunnel. But, oh no! Anna, my wife, wanted to move halfway down France. She tries helping out; she will put in a solid 30 minutes before I notice her driving with one eye closed,...